My Mental Health Journey #1

My Mental Health Journey #1

My Mental Health

Mental health, I NEED to start talking about this.  Not only for other people to understand me better.  For me to have an improved understanding of myself.  I can disappear for days/weeks on social media, also this doesn’t help and makes me look flakey, that is even if others even notice in the first place.  Then it will dawn on me why I even bothered what others think anyway?

This is a discussion that we need to have. Still there is that sigma, and the people who still don’t believe it is real illness.
Attention seekers the lot of you, you look all right to me.
You work full time how can you possibly have depression?
Just pull yourself together, you are using it as an excuse.
The list goes on, to the point you wonder are they right, is there really anything wrong with me? Is the problem just me. Then you remember the problem is within you it’s your mental health which you are fighting.  Every second, minute, hour, day, month, year you are fighting to be the person that you sometimes only ever see glimpses of.  You are then able to assure yourself these disbelievers are the ones with the real PROBLEM not you.

The Fight is endless

The feeling of am I good enough? Taking things to heart that people were only joking about. I have struggled with depression since I was thirteen. the medication didn’t come until my mid 20’s and the therapy has only just been offered.  I am off to my third CBT session on Monday, at 39 I am starting to feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel. My doctor never offered anything more than medication, after I had Amelia he put it down to baby blues.  She is 7 now hardly a baby, in fact I was lucky the hormones from pregnancy and the new baby seemed to have a lifting affect for me.

Going to see a nurse about my contraception turned out to be my saviour, she read through my notes and we got on the conversation of my mental health and instantly referred me for CBT, no pressure but she believed I would really benefit from it as throwing drugs at the problem clearly wasn’t helping.  I am so grateful that she actually listened to me.

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4 Comments

  1. 17th May 2018 / 22:32

    First off well done for finding the courage to share this. It will only do good and help others. I hope you feel some relief sharing it.

    Secondly, thank goodness for that nurse. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to really listen. I am glad the CBT seems to be doing some good for you.

    Thanks again for sharing xxx

    • Rachel
      Author
      18th May 2018 / 18:23

      Thank you, I do feel better for having it out there. I feel so much lighter.

      Thank you for commenting xx

  2. 17th May 2018 / 22:02

    Well done for speaking up hun. So many people hide away for fear of judgement, I know that all too well. I hope the CBT helps for you xxx

    • 17th May 2018 / 22:15

      Thank you lovely. I hope things are going well with you x

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