My Mental Health & Sleep
I should know by now know how much sleep and my waking times effect my mental health and overall mood. And yet I still find myself falling into the same catch 22 routine.
I’m a mum who falls into that trap, just one more hour. Once I get the girl to sleep I am so enjoying me time that I always read one more chapter. One more instagram story, then I am not asleep till gone 11pm and my body is craving sleep. Of course my brain has other ideas. I would’t mind but half the time what I am doing is not even productive, or at times enjoyable. Then the nights when I lay down to sleep and can’t because the thoughts do not stop.
Of course I then want to be up early, I love being the first one up. The peace the quiet, the ability to do as I wish and just get on. But because I wanted the time at night, the body is saying “stuff you” come the alarm sounding. Depression of course does compound these feelings, well it does for me a least.
I have been a fantastic planner and researcher in all aspects in my life. Follow through on the other hand has just not been there. The therapy I had certainly helped, the feeling of blame and not feeling wanted have lifted. I am much improved with how I handle a lot of situations. But the rest I have to do myself, and fighting your own mind some days is honestly a nightmare. The whole why does no one like me, what about me mind set.
To quote The Barenaked Ladies
“How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will”
My sense of humour can be really weird and sarcastic (yes the lowest form of wit) and a lot of people just don’t get it. Add rubbish sleep to the mix and we have a problem, every tut or eye roll feels 10 times worse. The habit of opening my mouth before I engage my brain, because I am so flipping tired.
The need to think of what could be rather than what could have been. The more tired I am my brain tortures me about all the things I should have done. Lost in a past that I can never change, instead of concentrating on what I can improve moving forward.
The need to want people to like me, yet having no real friends and wondering am I really that unlikeable? All these things can keep me up at night.
We need to talk & soon
People cannot continually be made to feel bad about things that are completely out of their control. Yes, the whole thing can be frustrating for an outsider, but not half as frustrating it is for the person experiencing when they know you are judging them.
There is a need for mindfulness.